“I feel like I have so much going on right now that I’m failing at everything.” I sat in my therapist’s office trying to work through the difficulty of my current struggles. I was being pulled in every direction at the same time. I was cracking under the pressure of it all. Things were getting done, but slowly and not as well as I would prefer.
“This is one of the difficulties of perfectionism,” my therapist reminded me.
“But I’m not even trying to be perfect. I’m just trying to get it done and survive.”
“Exactly. And you’re not failing. The work is getting done. But your perfectionism is complaining from inside because it’s not ok with things just being done.”
That was exactly it. I really wasn’t failing at all. And I was doing my best. I was pushing myself to the max every day. I was doing *my best* even if it didn’t look the best.
We are human. We have limits. We can’t be the best or perfect all the time, yet our society gives little room for error or “just ok”. So of course, we are going to feel like failures when we get things done, but not perfect.
I recently cleaned our bathrooms after some neglect. They were clean once I was done, but my brain kept nagging me that they weren’t clean enough. I used Clorox wipes on the counter instead of using cleaning solution and a rag. I swiffered the floor instead of scrubbing it. I beat myself up because I felt I cut corners to clean. But it was done. And that is enough.
The laundry was done. My whole family had clean clothes to wear, but the clothes were all still in the laundry basket instead of folded and put away. At the end of the day, the laundry was clean. And that is enough.
The newsletter for work was done. I used stock images instead of original graphics like I prefer to do. But it was done. And that is enough.
The report was done. I turned it in. It wasn’t as detailed or well researched as I wanted, but it was done. And that is enough.
My daughter’s birthday cake was a 6 pack of Encanto cupcakes from Target. But we had cake. And it was her favorite color. And that is enough.
I made the kids a dinner that consisted of cheese, crackers, and grapes. It was not a “homemade” meal. Nothing was cooked or prepared, but my kids were fed. And that is enough.
So yes, it’s uncomfortable to sit with the feeling that you’re failing at everything. You feel pulled so many ways and you don’t even have time to stop and think or come up for air. You lack the satisfying feeling of a “job well done” so you feel like you’re coming up short. And yes, maybe you are performing at a level that is less than your norm, but you are not failing. You are not a robot. You can’t always perform at the same level no matter what. Sometimes you will have so much going on that you have no choice but to just get things done and move on to the next thing on the list.
If you feel like you’re failing at everything, if you have a voice in your head shaming you for what you haven’t done well enough, remember what you have done. You are strong. You are surviving. Everything is ok. And that is enough.
kellymlang 